Pregnancy and Adoption Resources

Cori and Shaina were adopted from South Korea over 20 years ago, and I’ve never witnessed a live human birth. Well…I’m not sure that I’d want to. :). However, as President of New Beginnings, our female social workers tell us story after story about the humbling beauty of the birth process. Many allusions and referrals are made to the “sanctity” of the moment and the awesome wonder of birth. 

Come to think of it, I’ve never heard an atheist rejoice over the same experience, but I’m certain that some could put the glory of human birth into some sort of scientific (so called) babble. Go for it! I’ll stick with the divinely inspired and created version of things. 

And…for company, I’ll stick with Mr. Einstein. Birthmothers, who choose life and then are strong enough to choose God’s plan for children–the two-parent family, hats off to you!

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a

miracle. The other is as if everything is” Albert Einsten.

How did you find out you were pregnant? Where were you? Who were you with? What were your initial thoughts? Plans? Emotions? Did you grieve? What is grief?

Grief is a process you go through when you lose something or have an expected loss. The purpose is to help you emotionally heal from loss and the process is a follows:

Denial- Realizing what has occurred and not wanted to feel the pain that might result from recognizing that it is truth, you choose to ignore what is happening and do not connect with the loss. You choose to believe it is not real. You feel numb and void of emotions.

 Shock- A defense mechanism your body uses to protect you from being traumatized by a great deal of pain all at once. Despite your efforts, you cannot emotionally or mentally connect to what is happening. You feel numb and void of emotions.

Anger- When you feel that someone has caused this loss to happen and blame them (can be yourself that you blame). Feels similar to when someone takes something away from you and you are doing everything you can to retrieve it. Can be aggressive, passive-aggressive, or assertive anger.

Bargaining- When you attempt to change your circumstances by making promises and bartering. Example: “I will never do _____ again, if I can be spared this loss.”

Depression- When you realize that you cannot avoid or change your circumstances, you begin to feel hopeless. You cannot shake the feeling of sadness and you lack an interest in activities that you usually enjoy. Typically, people describe this as a “fog” that keeps you from seeing hope for the future.

Acceptance- When you are able to begin to dream and hope for your future again, because the “fog” is being lifted and you can see that even though you have suffered a great loss, there is still much to live for and find joy in.

In many cases we identify grief with the death of a loved one.  However, greif isn’t just limited to death. In the case of an unplanned pregnancy, the expectant mother experiences the loss of dreams, goals, current lifestlye, etc. Therefore, in order to move on from the initial emtions of discovering the “two pink lines” to making a desicion for the unborn child, the mother will need to work through the grief process and come to the stage of acceptance. Acceptance says, “I AM pregnant and I have a plan in place for my unborn child and myself. AND, it’s GOOD!”

If you are in the midst of an unplanned pregnnacy you maybe asking, “How do I get there?” Over the next several weeks I will post various thoughts and exercises to help you come to that place in your life.

WEEK 1: Excercise 1

There are varous expected losses with both the option of parenting and adoption by looking at those now you can limit the amount of grief you may experience. Draw two columns entitled expected losses from adoption and expected losses from parenting. As you work, be mindful neither option is painless and neither will be an easy decision. They both have their share of losses.

Chart Example

“As far as I’m concerned I would not be where I am on my road to healing without the Genesis Program and Rachel (my counselor) opening up her heart and not being afraid to tell me exactly what I needed to hear.”  These are the words of a recent client of the Genesis Program who was able to conquer a five year addiction through individual counseling, just one of the services offered by the Genesis Program.  The Genesis Program provides ‘help for today, hope for tomorrow,’ to adolescent and adult women with an unplanned pregnancy. We provide education on the realities of single-parenting and seek to equip those who choose to parent with a personalized parenting plan.  We also provide adoption education for those who are considering placing their unborn child for adoption.  Additionally, we provide a support group for parents of expectant adolescents and three life skill classes in the areas of finances, career and relationships.  The Genesis Program is located in Tupelo, MS and operates out of New Beginnings International Children and Family Services office.  Satellite locations are located in Amory, MS at Monroe County Sav-a-Life, Family Life Center and Ripley, MS at the Pregnancy Testing Center. 

Have you heard about PREP4YOUTH?

PREP4YOUTH is the New Beginning’s combined training program which includes the Decisions, Choices and Options curriculum and the Genesis curriculum. This package provides a broad range of materials for young people who are searching for answers about the moral challenges of this day. And…for the young person who may have found themselves in a crisis pregnancy situation, hope and help is on the way.

Call Rachel or Tom at 662-842-6752 for more information.

The following is a note from Paul and Robin Pennington, co-founders and executive director of Hope for Orphans:  

“By now you no doubt have heard about the Russian 8-year-old adoptee sent by his American adoptive mom….alone…back to Russia with a note. The repercussions of this decision on hundreds of Russian children waiting for families are devastating to be sure. What many don’t know is that failed adoptions, or disruptions as they are called, are on the rise and Christians are not immune even if it does not reach such a dramatic level. In fact, Christian families are in some ways more at risk.

“Little noticed in the story of the Russian child is that his master-degreed, medical professional mom chose to pursue a ’special needs’ child because she wanted to get a child more quickly. It also appears that despite the routine communications of her agency post placement, she did not have an effective post adoptive support system.

“This story teaches us about two very important trends in the North American adoption and orphan ministry movement.  One trend (though a very small percentage of the total number of adoptions) is negative and dangerous, the other positive and encouraging.

“In an ever-increasing cosumeristic American church there is emerging a troubling trend — families who see adoption as a new badge of spirituality. At Hope for Orphans, we stress that those considering adoption should carefully examine their motivations before they ever begin the adoption process.

“Common red flags we see are: pursuing adoption as a mission, wanting to please God as a result of sins of the past, desiring a sister or brother for a biological child, or thinking it will help a struggling marriage. Orphaned children do not want or need to be a mission, an act of atonement, a companion strategy or a marriage enhancer….no, they want and need what every child wants and needs…..a mom and dad that loves them unconditionally. Motives that are not geared towards the ‘unconditional’ love of a child, but rather focused more on meeting a need in the parent(s) are dangerous.

“It is a sign of a more ‘me-centered’ Christianity that leads to adopting special needs children as a means of getting into the ‘express lane’. This sort of thinking, which minimizes or dismisses the true needs of hurt children and doesn’t take the time to count the costs, has led to an 8-year-old who sits today confused in a Russian hospital.

“On the other hand, more and more there is a wonderful trend and work of God that is the counter to this very sad case. Lay leaders led by the Holy Spirit are launching orphan ministries in their local churches. Many of these new ministries are creating adoption support groups. Typically, adoptive families blessed with years of experience, come alongside new adoptive families, as mentors, coaches, crisis responders, prayer warriors and respite caregivers. This is what the Bible calls “body life”. The Scripture tells us in 1 Corinthians 12: ’so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are Christ’s body, and individually members of it.’ As you read this month’s Hope for Orphans E-newsletter, remember that God wants to use you as an instrument of grace in the lives of your body of believers. He also wants to use that body to help you when the wheels of your life come off. Does your church have a support group for families adopting special needs children? Does your church have an orphans ministry at all? Pastor Chuck Swindoll says: ‘The test of our morality and theology is passed or failed by our response to the weakest and most helpless among us’. May God use you and your church as a demonstration of pure religion that is pleasing to Him.”

This article can be found in the Hope for Orphans April 2010 ENewsletter at http://hopefororphans.com.

PART #2 of FINAL UPDATE - MARCH 28-31, 2010

New Beginnings of Nepal Children’s Home

 (continued from Part #2)

What did we leave behind? Happy children and happy housemothers. And…we left our hearts.

In a country where the power is out about 10 hours each day, where clean fruit and vegetables are scarce, where filthy smog and dusty conditions are a way of life, and where there is little hope for a brighter future, the New Beginnings of Nepal Children’s Home is a great testimony to the love and desire of the New Beginnings International Children’s & Family Services family to make life better for children.

Our motto is “Every Child Deserves a Forever Family” and the home is one more step to seeing that accomplished in our world.

Note: for adoptive families interested in Nepal adoption information, please contact Marcus Davenport at MarcusDavenport@NBICFS.org. For individuals who are interested in supporting the work in Nepal, please contact TomVelie@NBICFS.org.

PART #1 of FINAL UPDATE - MARCH 28-31, 2010

New Beginnings of Nepal Children’s Home

Our final report will sum up the remainder of our work in Nepal.

Repeating from the last report, the New Beginnings of Nepal Children’s Home has a new refrigerator, a microwave oven, a new cook stove, a new water filter system, an instant hot water heater, a vacuum cleaner, wall murals that brighten every room, new kitchen cabinets, a washing machine and some very happy house mothers.

Laxim, the primary housemother wept when George, Craig and Bill put the new kitchen cabinets into place. The small kitchen counter area, which previously contained a bottle gas tank and all of the dishes used for eating, is now clear and usable. In place of an old two burner stove top is a new three burner top with auto-ignition.

Outdoors, the young children let us know with their smile sand the sounds of laughter that they LOVE the new swingset. After it was constructed, we were greeted every morning by the noises of the children playing even before we rounded the brick wall that surrounds the house.

On top of the 3-story house is a large patio area. This area is used for drying clothing. It also had a large opening with two pieces of corrugated metal over it. When the metal was removed, the skylight (open) down to the ground floor was open. Craig and Randy built a nice permanent skylight unit with windows (real glass-smile) and now the opening has light 365 days of the year, while still allowing natural ventilation in the building.

 Please see Part #2

“As far as I’m concerned I would not be where I am on my road to healing without the Genesis Program and Rachel (my counselor) opening up her heart and not being afraid to tell me exactly what I needed to hear.”  These are the words of a recent client of the Genesis Program who was able to conquer a five year addicition through individual counseling, just one of the services offered by the Genesis Program.  The Genesis Program provides ‘help for today, hope for tomorrow,’ to adolescent and adult women with an unplanned pregnancy. We provide education on the realitilies of single-parenting and seek to equip those who choose to parent with a personalized parenting plan.  We also provide adoption education for those who are considering placing their unborn child for adoption.  Additionally, we provide a support group for parents of expectant adolsecents and three life skill classes in the areas of finances, career and relationships.  The Genesis Program is located in Tupelo, MS and operates out of the New Beginnings International Children and Family Services office.  Satalite locations are located in Amory, MS at Monroe County Sav-a-Life, Family Life Center and Ripley, MS at the Pregnancy Testing Center. 

UPDATE - MARCH 27, 2010

New Beginnings of Nepal Children’s Home

Our fifth report and the Good News continues…

The Nepal Children’s Home has a new refrigerator, a microwave oven, a new cook stove, a new water filter system, an instant hot water heater, a vacuum cleaner, wall murals that brighten every room, new kitchen cabinets, a washing machine and some very happy house mothers.

            What were they most excited about? When the men moved the new kitchen cabinets in, Laxmi gave a superb smile to the group and hugged the ladies in appreciation. The humble nature of the Nepali people overwhelms those of us who view what we are doing as such a small thing.

            For the precious children, the highlight of our creations is the new swing set. Kudos to Randy Gould and Bill Rosser for the work on this project.

            Randy was planning to head home tomorrow, but changed his flight plans just so he could stay and help us complete more work next week. While there is more to be done, what has been accomplished is nothing short of amazing! And, unless you understand the lack of a consistent electrical supply and the difficult nature of shopping for basic items such as paint, lag bolts, cleaning fluids, paint thinner and wood stain, you can’t appreciate how much has been done.

We’re going to miss Rodney, Marcie and Carrrigan Weekley when they leave for home on Sunday. Carrigan, one of the first children to be placed for adoption through New Beginnings, has brought much joy to the children in the Home and has been a delightful addition to our group. Thank you for coming, Carrigan! And…without a doubt…this trip was the brainchild of Rodney. Thank you!

Our day will include a flight along the Himalayan Mountain Range.

For Monthly International Partnership information, and to make a true difference for a child, please contact the New Beginnings’s office at 662-842-6752 or e-mail us at Office@NewBeginningsAdoptions.org

  UPDATE - MARCH 26, 2010

New Beginnings Children’s Home of Nepal

Our fourth report…and the “good work” goes on.

The bulk of our work on the Children’s Home has been completed, but there is much more to be done in future trips. We’ve exhausted our budget, and we’re extremely grateful to some special donors who completely supplied the unfinished portion of the work. What a blessing and a great thank you is owed-I haven’t received permission to publish the name so we simply say “Thank you.”

The Kathmandu Resort Hotel in Thamel has been our home for the past week. The service is excellent, the rooms are comfortable and the breakfast on the Rooftop is very nice. Overall, we’re pleased with our lodging and recommend this hotel for future travelers.

Tom has met with individuals who server the adoption community on three occasions, and on Friday night he enjoyed meeting with his friend, Mr. Paudel, who visited Tupelo in 2008. Together, they enjoyed a delightful traditional Nepali dinner-Tom skipped the Dhedo.

We’re having a wonderful time! George “Fly Paper” Miller has become a legend on streets of Thamel. The local vendors know an “American Banker” when they see one. He has more followers than Joel Olsteen. If you don’t like the Fly Paper nickname, how about “Big Laughing Buddha?” In case you don’t understand, this is quite a compliment in Nepal.

In the next edition…cold showers, airport “bombings” and whatever.