Pregnancy and Adoption Resources

Who wants to accept them By: Lisa (KoKo Living)
http://www.kokoliving.com/lisas_story_korean_baby_a/

Something, recently, made me think of this. You hear conversations or dialogues when adults or children, for that matter, are biracial how they may feel like they are white or black yet society doesn’t always want to accept them. What I mean is you’ll hear stories of a biracial (black/white) person not fully being accepted by one side or the other and therefore ending up with a feeling of not belonging. And before anyone thinks it’s wrong to say black in lieu of African American I say that because not all are. My nephew, for instance, is biracial, but his father is white, while is mother is Caribbean. I wonder sometimes if he will feel that way. I pray not. This dismissal can lead to low self-esteem for especially a child, let alone an adult.

Then, you have my three younger children. I’ve talked with many adopters over the 9 years we’ve been involved in the adoption world, and it is a different world sometimes, and while some have never had issues of any sort many have. Many talk of being the only non-white in their community or going to college one day thinking they can join the Asian groups and not being accepted. Some kids in some communities may feel alone being the only one of their ethnicity while others may belong to a community with other children of their ethnicity, but the adoption sets them apart and prohibits them from feeling like they do belong. It makes my heart sink to think that my children, because my husband and I adopted them, may not be accepted by people of their own race. I don’t feel we did a bad thing by adopting them, so I will never apologize for that. But, I hate to think they will possibly feel out-casted and typecast-ed as white because of us and their big brothers. Realizing it may happen for the opposite reason

I guess because I have such a mixed heritage I can’t really relate to one group if you relating for culture, etc. I can only be who I am and how I grew up; which was a mishmash of everything. We didn’t celebrate just one thing. I’m sure a lot of the German side dominated because my mom is 100% German heritage. But, there are things that changed the way we did things because I’m also of American Indian, German, French, English, etc. I can’t help but think because of my mixed ancestry that’s why I’m so interested in other cultures and love learning about them and the people that come from them. My children, all 5, are much the same way. They are being raised with some Korean; as much as I can give them anyways, and a mishmash of everything else. I’m not dismissing them and their Korean ness. I never could or would. But, am just raising them in the way we were. Mostly we were raised based on our Christian religion and the celebrations and such that go along with that. In addition, we try different foods and make them daily. We’re definitely not a steak and potatoes kind of family. Not that they’re not good….on occasion, but I like a wide variety and the kids are beginning to show the same likes of this.

I guess, part of me wants to say I’m sorry for being here and offending anyone who thinks I do not belong because “I” am white. If there were a check box for Heinz 57, I would be checking it, because that’s me. But, I’m a mom to Korean children and they are and forever will be Korean-born. This is celebrated and loved in our home. It saddens me to think that any one race would ever dismiss a child, based on their parents’ presentation or assumption of race, from being acceptable in their own society. I do truly pray this does not happen and the world changes more for my children. In my happy world, inside my head, it’s already there. But, when it does, it will be this outwardly looking white mother that will hug and kiss those tears away if it does happen and love them as I have since the day I even knew they existed.

A day to recognize the thousands of women whose adoption choice give other women the opportunity to celebrate Mother’s Day.

It is appropriate that the day before Mother’s Day is recognized as a day to honor birthmother’s. In a world where thousands of children are adopted each year, it is essential to take this opportunity to show respect for the women who first loved them. While stories of adoption steal the spotlight week after week, the birthmother’s side is often left untold.

This is changing with the release of BECAUSE I LOVED YOU: A Birthmother’s View of Open Adoption (Goblin Fern Press, 2006). In the book, I share my journey in choosing adoption for my son Joe in 1985 and the growing relationship with his adoptive parents through his high school graduation. In order to dispel the myths regarding birthmother’s it’s important for people to hear the struggle women face when making this decision. for me, I began to imagine what life would be like if I kept my baby.I was lonely, worried about money, working all the time. I imagined my child wandering into neighbor’s apartments looking for friends, someone to be a father. these thoughts always lead to screaming into my pillow out of frustration. after much consideration I knew that keeping him would be for ME, but placing him for adoption was best for HIM. I loved him enough to put his needs before mine. This is what birthmother’s face, making a decision that will be hurtful to them in order to do what is best for their child.

During my quest for an answer, I met with other birthmothers and was surprised at what I heard from them. my family had been emphasizing to me that if I chose adoption, I would then be able to forget, put it behind me, get on with a normal life. While it seemed the women had indeed gone on with their lives, no one was forgetting a thing. I learned from those mothers that, yes, they did suffer loss, but what mattered most was that their babies would be happy.

I was lucky that a new wave of adoption had begun: open adoption. I had ongoing contact with my son’s adoptive family and as the trust and respect grew, so did our commitment to each other and the boy we loved. Today, over 90% of domestic adoptions are open arrangements.

This building of a relationship was celebrated at my son’s high school graduation. during the ceremony, the principal asked the parents responsible for getting their children through life to this day to stand. I sat and watched as Kathy and Jerry stood on either side of me. then, simultaneously, they looked down to me and reached out their hands. Kathy said, you belong here too, and holding my hands tight, they pulled me up to stand between them. my story mirrors that of thousands of other birthmothers, and on this special day, let us recognize their loss, their bravery, and their love.

Birthmother’s Day Is May 12th

Original Link to this story: http://thebreakingstory.com/parenting/birthmothers-day-is-may-12th/5821.html

Author Linda Howard Urbach recounts the life of the young girl orphaned by Madame Bovary in a recently released book that will be introduced at several local book readings featuring actress E. Katherine Kerr.

1.      I’m thankful that Jesus Christ adopted me into His kingdom when I was nine years old.
2.      I’m thankful that I was raised in an intact, two-parent household by my natural parents. Part of my motivation and endurance as it relates to my work with New Beginnings comes from the belief that every child deserves to have what I had. Loving grandparents, loving parents, and a loving family. No…they weren’t perfect and I’ve never said they were. But, they were THERE.
3.      I’m thankful that Mom and Dad were married for over 51 years and that only death could separate them. Did they ever fight? You can’t imagine–and I smile when saying that. But, they taught us that you work things out and grow through the process.
4.      I’m thankful that Dad and Mom stood up for their three kids when we messed up. And, when we did, “it was our fault.” We were never allowed to blame someone else, ask for a handout from the government or whine about life being unfair.
5.     I’m thankful for two beautiful daughters and two wonderful grand-children…all the byproduct of adoption.
6.     I’m thankful for the pastors, men of God, who have stepped on my toes through the years. They’re simply doing their job.
7.     I’m thankful a great team of workers at New Beginnings. Everyone truly cares about birth mothers, babies and the value of human life.
8.     I’m thankful for the models of manhood that I witnessed in my grandfathers, father and uncles. They were/are honest, hard-working and God-fearing.
9.     I’m thankful that New Beginnings is supported by so many great people who care about the values of family, human life and caring for others.
10.     I’m thankful, in advance, for someone who is listening to God’s voice and who will help bless the adoption ministry of New Beginnings…and others like us in America.

Tom Velie, LMSW

President

Katie is 18 years old. She’s in high school, and she’s a straight-A student. She’s involved in several clubs in her school, and she’s the Senior Class President. Katie is well-known and well-loved by all who know her. And she’s also pregnant. Or she was, rather.

When Katie started experiencing several symptoms of pregnancy, she tried to brush the nagging thoughts aside that she just might be. She thought that could never happen to someone like her. Just to prove to herself that she wasn’t pregnant, just to get rid of those nagging thoughts, just to sleep a little better at night, she decided to take a home pregnancy test. Not because she thought she was pregnant…of course not. She just wanted to prove she wasn’t. But when two pink lines appeared on her pregnancy test, she was shocked. Something had to be wrong with the test. So she decided to go a more reliable route to find out that she wasn’t really pregnant. She went to the local Sav-A-Life and got a pregnancy test, which also tested positive. Right there in the Sav-A-Life office, right in front of the counselor she was meeting with, she lost it. Katie cried until she didn’t have any tears left. And then she listened to her counselor, who began calmly discussing her options with her. The counselor mentioned that Katie might want to consider taking the Options class offered by the Genesis program with New Beginnings. Katie agreed that it sounded like a good idea, and together she and her counselor called the Genesis director to plan a time to meet.

Calmed down and finding an ounce of hope in her soul, Katie left the Sav-A-Life that day. But the longer the day wore on, the more scared she got. She couldn’t think about carrying this baby to term. What would everyone think? How would she cope? How much would her life change? Desperate, Katie began planning an abortion. She called the abortion clinic and scheduled an appointment in a week. Meanwhile, she skipped her follow up appointment at the Sav-A-Life and her Genesis appointment. She ignored the phone calls from her counselor and from the Genesis director. Guilt knawed at her insides, but she pushed it away.

A week later, Katie walked out of the abortion clinic. She thought she would feel relieved, but she felt hollow instead. She walked to her car, climbed in, and put her head on the steering wheel before she burst into tears.

Desperation drives a person to do things they wouldn’t normally do. Another girl, another teen pregnancy, leading to another desperate choice. One more baby who won’t know what it is to live and laugh and love. This is our fight…not against, but for girls like Katie who are hurting, broken, and desperate. They need to know they’re not alone, and they need to know that death for their child is not the only way out. That’s what we’re here for. By God’s grace, to join in the effort to rescue unborn children and to rescue girls like Katie from making choices they will regret and grieve for a lifetime.

Here are some really good quotes I ran across about children on Compassion International’s website:

“Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.” -Anonymous

“You have to love your children unselfishly. That is hard. But it is the only way.” -Barbara Bush

“An aware parent loves all children he or she interacts with — for you are a caretaker for those moments in time.” -Doc Childre

“The soul is healed by being with children.” -English proverb

“Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.” -Lady Bird Johnson

“Children are our most valuable natural resource.”-Herbert Hoover

“Why is it that a child’s death amounts to a tragedy, but the death of millions is merely a statistic?” -Patrick McDonald

“Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.” -Mignon McLaughlin

“If I could relive my life, I would devote my entire ministry to reaching children for God!” -Dwight L. Moody

“Let us be the ones who say we do not accept that a child dies every three seconds simply because he does not have the drugs you and I have. Let us be the ones to say we are not satisfied that your place of birth determines your right to life. Let us be outraged, let us be loud, let us be bold.” -Brad Pitt

While some church organizations waiver on the issue of abortion, we commend the ALJC and its General Superintendent, Pastor Robert Martin, for proclaiming that all human life is sacred in their Articles of Faith. By taking a firm stand on the value of every human life, the ALJC movement sets itself apart in Christiandom.

Have you considered the fact that the Lord refers to King David being a man “after God’s own heart,” in relation to the fact that David believed that human life was absolutely sacred in God’s eyes? (Psalm 139).

Where do  you stand? Are you afraid of stating that “life begins at the moment of conception?” Think about it…

 ”and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s” (I Corinthians 6:19-20).

Have you considered the fact that making an adoption plan comes with a price for a good and caring birthmother? Cast away any thoughts you have about a birthmother being so hard-hearted that she “gives” her baby away. She is not giving a child away, but rather is making an adoption plan that is well thought out and planned because she cares.

There is also the adoptive family side of the equation. About once or twice a year (it is rare), someone calls and asks how much it costs to adopt. I sometimes hear folks whine about the cost…the same folks who are driving a nice new car…and I have zero sympathy for them. If a child isn’t worth more than their car then they don’t deserve to have a good and honorable birthmother hero choose them anyway.

Adoption is modeled after God’s plan for his people. Is adoption okay? Well…God thought so…

Tom Velie, President of New Beginnings

P.S. Please visit us at www.NewBeginningsAdoptions.org

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

New Beginning’s International Children’s  Family Services

Tom Velie, LMSW

President

In the mid-1980′s Debbie and I adopted two baby girls from South Korea. They are now adults and Debbie and I have become grandparents. After many years of child welfare work in various settings, I joined New Beginnings as the President in 2002. In 2003 we made the decision to develop international adoption programs so that other children could find safe and loving homes…just as our daughters found with us.

While it seems that cases involving adoption often make the news, child abuse or neglect for any child, whether adopted or biological and whether it occurs in public or private situations, is tragic and deplorable.

We have provided safe and loving homes to over 500 children, provided help in crisis situations to birthmothers at the Erwin Maternity Care Center, and provided other adoption services to families throughout Mississippi.

New Beginnings remains committed to providing quality, professional adoption and home study services to the birthmothers and families of Mississippi. While, the average reader of the Daily Journal may have a false perception that certain portions of our work are optional, that perception is just that-false. International home studies include criminal background and child abuse registry checks, FBI fingerprinting, home visits that include viewing every accessible area, reference checks and several hours of intense interviews. Workers are instructed to complete a thorough checklist – I am proud of the work they do in sensitive circumstances.

The home study process, no matter how thorough, conscientious and accurate, covers only a space in time, and unfortunately, there is no investigative process that is perfect.

Sometimes our confidentiality guidelines are misunderstood or unappreciated, but they are necessary and required of licensed and accredited agencies. Nothing hinders us from doing our best for every case and every child.

New Beginnings has an excellent and well-trained team of social work service providers. Our workers are required (Hague guidelines) to have a minimum of 30 hours of adoption-related training every two years, in addition to their other social work training.

Adoption agencies work at various levels in each adoption case. International adoptions are especially complex and often involve more than one adoption agency, as well as facilitators, attorneys, government entities and others.  International adoption agencies typically work in specific countries. The “top” agency in each case is usually referred to as the “Primary Provider.” The Primary Providers handle the entire process of adoption, and “hold the adoptive applicant’s hand” through the entire process.  New Beginnings is a Primary Provider in Poland, Nepal and the Ukraine and has never been a Primary Provider in any other country, including Guatemala.

Cori and Shaina were adopted from South Korea over 20 years ago, and I’ve never witnessed a live human birth. Well…I’m not sure that I’d want to. . However, as President of New Beginnings, our female social workers tell us story after story about the humbling beauty of the birth process. Many allusions and referrals are made to the “sanctity” of the moment and the awesome wonder of birth. 

Come to think of it, I’ve never heard an atheist rejoice over the same experience, but I’m certain that some could put the glory of human birth into some sort of scientific (so called) babble. Go for it! I’ll stick with the divinely inspired and created version of things. 

And…for company, I’ll stick with Mr. Einstein. Birthmothers, who choose life and then are strong enough to choose God’s plan for children–the two-parent family, hats off to you!

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a

miracle. The other is as if everything is” Albert Einsten.