Pregnancy and Adoption Resources

Katie is 18 years old. She’s in high school, and she’s a straight-A student. She’s involved in several clubs in her school, and she’s the Senior Class President. Katie is well-known and well-loved by all who know her. And she’s also pregnant. Or she was, rather.

When Katie started experiencing several symptoms of pregnancy, she tried to brush the nagging thoughts aside that she just might be. She thought that could never happen to someone like her. Just to prove to herself that she wasn’t pregnant, just to get rid of those nagging thoughts, just to sleep a little better at night, she decided to take a home pregnancy test. Not because she thought she was pregnant…of course not. She just wanted to prove she wasn’t. But when two pink lines appeared on her pregnancy test, she was shocked. Something had to be wrong with the test. So she decided to go a more reliable route to find out that she wasn’t really pregnant. She went to the local Sav-A-Life and got a pregnancy test, which also tested positive. Right there in the Sav-A-Life office, right in front of the counselor she was meeting with, she lost it. Katie cried until she didn’t have any tears left. And then she listened to her counselor, who began calmly discussing her options with her. The counselor mentioned that Katie might want to consider taking the Options class offered by the Genesis program with New Beginnings. Katie agreed that it sounded like a good idea, and together she and her counselor called the Genesis director to plan a time to meet.

Calmed down and finding an ounce of hope in her soul, Katie left the Sav-A-Life that day. But the longer the day wore on, the more scared she got. She couldn’t think about carrying this baby to term. What would everyone think? How would she cope? How much would her life change? Desperate, Katie began planning an abortion. She called the abortion clinic and scheduled an appointment in a week. Meanwhile, she skipped her follow up appointment at the Sav-A-Life and her Genesis appointment. She ignored the phone calls from her counselor and from the Genesis director. Guilt knawed at her insides, but she pushed it away.

A week later, Katie walked out of the abortion clinic. She thought she would feel relieved, but she felt hollow instead. She walked to her car, climbed in, and put her head on the steering wheel before she burst into tears.

Desperation drives a person to do things they wouldn’t normally do. Another girl, another teen pregnancy, leading to another desperate choice. One more baby who won’t know what it is to live and laugh and love. This is our fight…not against, but for girls like Katie who are hurting, broken, and desperate. They need to know they’re not alone, and they need to know that death for their child is not the only way out. That’s what we’re here for. By God’s grace, to join in the effort to rescue unborn children and to rescue girls like Katie from making choices they will regret and grieve for a lifetime.

Whether or not to parent a baby is an important choice! When making this choice many factors need to be responsibly considered.  To help you decide whether or not this is the right time for you to become a parent, you need to look carefully at why you would choose to parent a baby at this time.  Is it because you’re lonely? You believe it’ll keep you’re relationship together? You’ll have someone of your own? You desire unconditional love? You feel pressure from family or friends? Maybe having a baby will help you grow personally?

List your top three reasons why now is a good time to parent a baby.  As you review those reasons, do you feel you are making a good choice at this time? Why?/Why not?

Below are some healthy and unhealthy reasons to parent a child. Add some of your own…

Here are some really good quotes I ran across about children on Compassion International’s website:

“Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.” -Anonymous

“You have to love your children unselfishly. That is hard. But it is the only way.” -Barbara Bush

“An aware parent loves all children he or she interacts with — for you are a caretaker for those moments in time.” -Doc Childre

“The soul is healed by being with children.” -English proverb

“Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.” -Lady Bird Johnson

“Children are our most valuable natural resource.”-Herbert Hoover

“Why is it that a child’s death amounts to a tragedy, but the death of millions is merely a statistic?” -Patrick McDonald

“Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.” -Mignon McLaughlin

“If I could relive my life, I would devote my entire ministry to reaching children for God!” -Dwight L. Moody

“Let us be the ones who say we do not accept that a child dies every three seconds simply because he does not have the drugs you and I have. Let us be the ones to say we are not satisfied that your place of birth determines your right to life. Let us be outraged, let us be loud, let us be bold.” -Brad Pitt

While some church organizations waiver on the issue of abortion, we commend the ALJC and its General Superintendent, Pastor Robert Martin, for proclaiming that all human life is sacred in their Articles of Faith. By taking a firm stand on the value of every human life, the ALJC movement sets itself apart in Christiandom.

Have you considered the fact that the Lord refers to King David being a man “after God’s own heart,” in relation to the fact that David believed that human life was absolutely sacred in God’s eyes? (Psalm 139).

Where do  you stand? Are you afraid of stating that “life begins at the moment of conception?” Think about it…

 ”and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s” (I Corinthians 6:19-20).

Have you considered the fact that making an adoption plan comes with a price for a good and caring birthmother? Cast away any thoughts you have about a birthmother being so hard-hearted that she “gives” her baby away. She is not giving a child away, but rather is making an adoption plan that is well thought out and planned because she cares.

There is also the adoptive family side of the equation. About once or twice a year (it is rare), someone calls and asks how much it costs to adopt. I sometimes hear folks whine about the cost…the same folks who are driving a nice new car…and I have zero sympathy for them. If a child isn’t worth more than their car then they don’t deserve to have a good and honorable birthmother hero choose them anyway.

Adoption is modeled after God’s plan for his people. Is adoption okay? Well…God thought so…

Tom Velie, President of New Beginnings

P.S. Please visit us at www.NewBeginningsAdoptions.org

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

New Beginning’s International Children’s  Family Services

Tom Velie, LMSW

President

In the mid-1980’s Debbie and I adopted two baby girls from South Korea. They are now adults and Debbie and I have become grandparents. After many years of child welfare work in various settings, I joined New Beginnings as the President in 2002. In 2003 we made the decision to develop international adoption programs so that other children could find safe and loving homes…just as our daughters found with us.

While it seems that cases involving adoption often make the news, child abuse or neglect for any child, whether adopted or biological and whether it occurs in public or private situations, is tragic and deplorable.

We have provided safe and loving homes to over 500 children, provided help in crisis situations to birthmothers at the Erwin Maternity Care Center, and provided other adoption services to families throughout Mississippi.

New Beginnings remains committed to providing quality, professional adoption and home study services to the birthmothers and families of Mississippi. While, the average reader of the Daily Journal may have a false perception that certain portions of our work are optional, that perception is just that-false. International home studies include criminal background and child abuse registry checks, FBI fingerprinting, home visits that include viewing every accessible area, reference checks and several hours of intense interviews. Workers are instructed to complete a thorough checklist - I am proud of the work they do in sensitive circumstances.

The home study process, no matter how thorough, conscientious and accurate, covers only a space in time, and unfortunately, there is no investigative process that is perfect.

Sometimes our confidentiality guidelines are misunderstood or unappreciated, but they are necessary and required of licensed and accredited agencies. Nothing hinders us from doing our best for every case and every child.

New Beginnings has an excellent and well-trained team of social work service providers. Our workers are required (Hague guidelines) to have a minimum of 30 hours of adoption-related training every two years, in addition to their other social work training.

Adoption agencies work at various levels in each adoption case. International adoptions are especially complex and often involve more than one adoption agency, as well as facilitators, attorneys, government entities and others.  International adoption agencies typically work in specific countries. The “top” agency in each case is usually referred to as the “Primary Provider.” The Primary Providers handle the entire process of adoption, and “hold the adoptive applicant’s hand” through the entire process.  New Beginnings is a Primary Provider in Poland, Nepal and the Ukraine and has never been a Primary Provider in any other country, including Guatemala.

Cori and Shaina were adopted from South Korea over 20 years ago, and I’ve never witnessed a live human birth. Well…I’m not sure that I’d want to. :). However, as President of New Beginnings, our female social workers tell us story after story about the humbling beauty of the birth process. Many allusions and referrals are made to the “sanctity” of the moment and the awesome wonder of birth. 

Come to think of it, I’ve never heard an atheist rejoice over the same experience, but I’m certain that some could put the glory of human birth into some sort of scientific (so called) babble. Go for it! I’ll stick with the divinely inspired and created version of things. 

And…for company, I’ll stick with Mr. Einstein. Birthmothers, who choose life and then are strong enough to choose God’s plan for children–the two-parent family, hats off to you!

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a

miracle. The other is as if everything is” Albert Einsten.

How did you find out you were pregnant? Where were you? Who were you with? What were your initial thoughts? Plans? Emotions? Did you grieve? What is grief?

Grief is a process you go through when you lose something or have an expected loss. The purpose is to help you emotionally heal from loss and the process is a follows:

Denial- Realizing what has occurred and not wanted to feel the pain that might result from recognizing that it is truth, you choose to ignore what is happening and do not connect with the loss. You choose to believe it is not real. You feel numb and void of emotions.

 Shock- A defense mechanism your body uses to protect you from being traumatized by a great deal of pain all at once. Despite your efforts, you cannot emotionally or mentally connect to what is happening. You feel numb and void of emotions.

Anger- When you feel that someone has caused this loss to happen and blame them (can be yourself that you blame). Feels similar to when someone takes something away from you and you are doing everything you can to retrieve it. Can be aggressive, passive-aggressive, or assertive anger.

Bargaining- When you attempt to change your circumstances by making promises and bartering. Example: “I will never do _____ again, if I can be spared this loss.”

Depression- When you realize that you cannot avoid or change your circumstances, you begin to feel hopeless. You cannot shake the feeling of sadness and you lack an interest in activities that you usually enjoy. Typically, people describe this as a “fog” that keeps you from seeing hope for the future.

Acceptance- When you are able to begin to dream and hope for your future again, because the “fog” is being lifted and you can see that even though you have suffered a great loss, there is still much to live for and find joy in.

In many cases we identify grief with the death of a loved one.  However, greif isn’t just limited to death. In the case of an unplanned pregnancy, the expectant mother experiences the loss of dreams, goals, current lifestlye, etc. Therefore, in order to move on from the initial emtions of discovering the “two pink lines” to making a desicion for the unborn child, the mother will need to work through the grief process and come to the stage of acceptance. Acceptance says, “I AM pregnant and I have a plan in place for my unborn child and myself. AND, it’s GOOD!”

If you are in the midst of an unplanned pregnnacy you maybe asking, “How do I get there?” Over the next several weeks I will post various thoughts and exercises to help you come to that place in your life.

WEEK 1: Excercise 1

There are varous expected losses with both the option of parenting and adoption by looking at those now you can limit the amount of grief you may experience. Draw two columns entitled expected losses from adoption and expected losses from parenting. As you work, be mindful neither option is painless and neither will be an easy decision. They both have their share of losses.

Chart Example

Have you heard about PREP4YOUTH?

PREP4YOUTH is the New Beginning’s combined training program which includes the Decisions, Choices and Options curriculum and the Genesis curriculum. This package provides a broad range of materials for young people who are searching for answers about the moral challenges of this day. And…for the young person who may have found themselves in a crisis pregnancy situation, hope and help is on the way.

Call Rachel or Tom at 662-842-6752 for more information.

PART #2 of FINAL UPDATE - MARCH 28-31, 2010

New Beginnings of Nepal Children’s Home

 (continued from Part #2)

What did we leave behind? Happy children and happy housemothers. And…we left our hearts.

In a country where the power is out about 10 hours each day, where clean fruit and vegetables are scarce, where filthy smog and dusty conditions are a way of life, and where there is little hope for a brighter future, the New Beginnings of Nepal Children’s Home is a great testimony to the love and desire of the New Beginnings International Children’s & Family Services family to make life better for children.

Our motto is “Every Child Deserves a Forever Family” and the home is one more step to seeing that accomplished in our world.

Note: for adoptive families interested in Nepal adoption information, please contact Marcus Davenport at MarcusDavenport@NBICFS.org. For individuals who are interested in supporting the work in Nepal, please contact TomVelie@NBICFS.org.