Pregnancy and Adoption Resources

Whether or not to parent a baby is an important choice! When making this choice many factors need to be responsibly considered.  To help you decide whether or not this is the right time for you to become a parent, you need to look carefully at why you would choose to parent a baby at this time.  Is it because you’re lonely? You believe it’ll keep you’re relationship together? You’ll have someone of your own? You desire unconditional love? You feel pressure from family or friends? Maybe having a baby will help you grow personally?

List your top three reasons why now is a good time to parent a baby.  As you review those reasons, do you feel you are making a good choice at this time? Why?/Why not?

Below are some healthy and unhealthy reasons to parent a child. Add some of your own…

Cori and Shaina were adopted from South Korea over 20 years ago, and I’ve never witnessed a live human birth. Well…I’m not sure that I’d want to. :). However, as President of New Beginnings, our female social workers tell us story after story about the humbling beauty of the birth process. Many allusions and referrals are made to the “sanctity” of the moment and the awesome wonder of birth. 

Come to think of it, I’ve never heard an atheist rejoice over the same experience, but I’m certain that some could put the glory of human birth into some sort of scientific (so called) babble. Go for it! I’ll stick with the divinely inspired and created version of things. 

And…for company, I’ll stick with Mr. Einstein. Birthmothers, who choose life and then are strong enough to choose God’s plan for children–the two-parent family, hats off to you!

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a

miracle. The other is as if everything is” Albert Einsten.

How did you find out you were pregnant? Where were you? Who were you with? What were your initial thoughts? Plans? Emotions? Did you grieve? What is grief?

Grief is a process you go through when you lose something or have an expected loss. The purpose is to help you emotionally heal from loss and the process is a follows:

Denial- Realizing what has occurred and not wanted to feel the pain that might result from recognizing that it is truth, you choose to ignore what is happening and do not connect with the loss. You choose to believe it is not real. You feel numb and void of emotions.

 Shock- A defense mechanism your body uses to protect you from being traumatized by a great deal of pain all at once. Despite your efforts, you cannot emotionally or mentally connect to what is happening. You feel numb and void of emotions.

Anger- When you feel that someone has caused this loss to happen and blame them (can be yourself that you blame). Feels similar to when someone takes something away from you and you are doing everything you can to retrieve it. Can be aggressive, passive-aggressive, or assertive anger.

Bargaining- When you attempt to change your circumstances by making promises and bartering. Example: “I will never do _____ again, if I can be spared this loss.”

Depression- When you realize that you cannot avoid or change your circumstances, you begin to feel hopeless. You cannot shake the feeling of sadness and you lack an interest in activities that you usually enjoy. Typically, people describe this as a “fog” that keeps you from seeing hope for the future.

Acceptance- When you are able to begin to dream and hope for your future again, because the “fog” is being lifted and you can see that even though you have suffered a great loss, there is still much to live for and find joy in.

In many cases we identify grief with the death of a loved one.  However, greif isn’t just limited to death. In the case of an unplanned pregnancy, the expectant mother experiences the loss of dreams, goals, current lifestlye, etc. Therefore, in order to move on from the initial emtions of discovering the “two pink lines” to making a desicion for the unborn child, the mother will need to work through the grief process and come to the stage of acceptance. Acceptance says, “I AM pregnant and I have a plan in place for my unborn child and myself. AND, it’s GOOD!”

If you are in the midst of an unplanned pregnnacy you maybe asking, “How do I get there?” Over the next several weeks I will post various thoughts and exercises to help you come to that place in your life.

WEEK 1: Excercise 1

There are varous expected losses with both the option of parenting and adoption by looking at those now you can limit the amount of grief you may experience. Draw two columns entitled expected losses from adoption and expected losses from parenting. As you work, be mindful neither option is painless and neither will be an easy decision. They both have their share of losses.

Chart Example

“As far as I’m concerned I would not be where I am on my road to healing without the Genesis Program and Rachel (my counselor) opening up her heart and not being afraid to tell me exactly what I needed to hear.”  These are the words of a recent client of the Genesis Program who was able to conquer a five year addiction through individual counseling, just one of the services offered by the Genesis Program.  The Genesis Program provides ‘help for today, hope for tomorrow,’ to adolescent and adult women with an unplanned pregnancy. We provide education on the realities of single-parenting and seek to equip those who choose to parent with a personalized parenting plan.  We also provide adoption education for those who are considering placing their unborn child for adoption.  Additionally, we provide a support group for parents of expectant adolescents and three life skill classes in the areas of finances, career and relationships.  The Genesis Program is located in Tupelo, MS and operates out of New Beginnings International Children and Family Services office.  Satellite locations are located in Amory, MS at Monroe County Sav-a-Life, Family Life Center and Ripley, MS at the Pregnancy Testing Center. 

Have you heard about PREP4YOUTH?

PREP4YOUTH is the New Beginning’s combined training program which includes the Decisions, Choices and Options curriculum and the Genesis curriculum. This package provides a broad range of materials for young people who are searching for answers about the moral challenges of this day. And…for the young person who may have found themselves in a crisis pregnancy situation, hope and help is on the way.

Call Rachel or Tom at 662-842-6752 for more information.

  UPDATE - MARCH 26, 2010

New Beginnings Children’s Home of Nepal

Our fourth report…and the “good work” goes on.

The bulk of our work on the Children’s Home has been completed, but there is much more to be done in future trips. We’ve exhausted our budget, and we’re extremely grateful to some special donors who completely supplied the unfinished portion of the work. What a blessing and a great thank you is owed-I haven’t received permission to publish the name so we simply say “Thank you.”

The Kathmandu Resort Hotel in Thamel has been our home for the past week. The service is excellent, the rooms are comfortable and the breakfast on the Rooftop is very nice. Overall, we’re pleased with our lodging and recommend this hotel for future travelers.

Tom has met with individuals who server the adoption community on three occasions, and on Friday night he enjoyed meeting with his friend, Mr. Paudel, who visited Tupelo in 2008. Together, they enjoyed a delightful traditional Nepali dinner-Tom skipped the Dhedo.

We’re having a wonderful time! George “Fly Paper” Miller has become a legend on streets of Thamel. The local vendors know an “American Banker” when they see one. He has more followers than Joel Olsteen. If you don’t like the Fly Paper nickname, how about “Big Laughing Buddha?” In case you don’t understand, this is quite a compliment in Nepal.

In the next edition…cold showers, airport “bombings” and whatever.

Top of the World - Nepal - March 23, 2010

By Amber  Corey

It’s hard to believe that we have only been working at the orphanage for 2 days. So much has been accomplished! 

The orphanage consists of an extremely nice building with drab décor and a long list of needed repairs. Our team jumped right in with both feet. A group of men headed out to find the needed materials (quite a feat in a country that appears to be stuck in the 70s) while the ladies did what we do best…take over! =)

We began cleaning, painting and loving on the 5 beautiful children that are currently living at the home. In the two days we have been here, we have almost completely finished all of the background painting for 5 rooms.  We have even started on the next step…the murals! The kids’ school room now has ABC, 123, colors, and a chalkboard painted on the fun blue walls. Talk about an improvement from the dirty, dingy grey we started with!

The guys have had many unexpected obstacles. Paint is not readily available…and what we found is more of a plaster consistency that is mixed with water to form a white wash. The power goes off right in the middle of the day. Yesterday, that meant they were unable to sand, saw, or even fill the new water tank we purchased with water!  These obstacles have really us pull our knowledge and resources together to think outside the box.  Sure, we can cut the tops off of water bottles and use them as paint cups.  Yes, sticks from the yard work perfectly for stirring paint. Of course, we can build our own scaffolding out of lumber.

These first days have been enlightening, to say the least. Our eyes have been opened to a culture very different than our own. Never will we walk in Lowes or Home Depot with the same mindset! Once again, through seeing poverty first hand, God has reminded us of His blessings in our lives and how He intends for us to use them…to be a blessing to others.

From “The Top of the World”

March 22, 2010 – Nepal Journal

The 51 ½ hours of traveling from Tupelo, Mississippi to Kathmandu, via Nashville, Los Angeles (7 hour layover), Hong Kong (10 hour layover), with a one hour stop in Dhaka, Bangladesh was “long.” For those of you who are just joining us, a group of 11 men and women from Mississippi, Wisconsin, Alabama and Florida are in Kathmandu, Nepal.

We’ll be blogging daily, electricity permitting, for the next 10 days. Due to a water shortage in Nepal, the government turns off the electricity for up to 14 hours each day. Yes, you may be standing in the shower, talking on Skype with someone at home, trying to catch up on e-mail or doing whatever. The government is no respecter of persons—the power is going off!

This small inconvenience does make it difficult for our group who are working at the New Beginnings of Nepal Children’s Home. On Monday (we are ½ day ahead of the folks at home) we painted two rooms, began constructing kitchen storage units, bookcases and furniture for the children. Yes…right in the middle of cutting plywood…off goes the power.

Who is in the group? Rodney, Marcie and Kerrigan from Florida. Randy from Florida. Amber from Alabama. Andrea (a New Beginnings International Children’s & Family Services—located in Tupelo, Mississippi—Board of Directors member), Pat and Tom (me) from Mississippi. George, Craig and Bill from Wisconsin.

A great thanks to all those at home who provided over $5,000 in direct assistance with our project work. Before the week is over, the home will have a refrigerator (none now), a stove, a new water heater, several painted rooms (the children in the home are really excited about this) and the beginning of a library.

On Monday, we met Laxim, Rejue and others who work so diligently to provide 24/7 care for the children and to educate the children. What is really neat is seeing the posters around the day room that share the message of the Gospel’s hope.

Shopping for materials…let me put it this way…there is no Home Depot, Lowes or Menards in Kathmandu. It took us several hours to find a ladder store, a paint store (the paint resembles watered-down toothpaste in consistency), and to secure a few power tools that will run on the 220 circuits. For example, my rechargeable Milwaukee drill doesn’t convert to accept the 220 and the converter we brought along isn’t large enough. So…we buy tools.

A GREAT BIG thanks to churches in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, Apopka, Florida, Bismarck, North Dakota, Amory and Corinth, Mississippi for helping to provide the much-needed funds for the trip. And…to all of the individuals who helped…thank you. We’ll be posting some photos. If you’d still like to help, please go to “Donate Now” at www.NewBeginningsAdoptions.org (secure through PayPal). Or, you may call Brenda at 662-842-6752 or e-mail me at TomVelie@NBICFS.org. We still need about $2,000 to complete all of the work that we are committed to doing.

Today (it’s already Tuesday morning here), we meet with Ministry officials related to our adoption work. Please continue to pray for the Nepal Adoption program as we work to encourage those involved in Nepal to work toward greater transparency and high ethical standards in adoption.

Every try Mexican food in Nepal? “Not bad,” according to Bill. Perhaps we’ll write about food one day.

Questions for us? Please e-mail me at TomVelie@NBICFS. org or text me at 662-213-0361. I won’t respond to the texts due to cost, but we will respond via e-mail or blog.

Thought for the day…

“Bless the LORD, O my soul. O LORD my God, thou art very great; thou art clothed with honour and majesty. Who coverest thyself with light as with a garment: who stretchest out the heavens like a curtain: Who layeth the beams of his chambers in the waters: who maketh the clouds his chariot: who walketh upon the wings of the wind: Who maketh his angels spirits; his ministers a flaming fire: Who laid the foundations of the earth, that it should not be removed for ever. Thou coveredst it with the deep as with a garment: the waters stood above the mountains. At thy rebuke they fled; at the voice of thy thunder they hasted away. They go up by the mountains; they go down by the valleys unto the place which thou hast founded for them” Psalm 104: 1-8, KJV).

        The challenge is to not be complacent. On Sunday, January 17^th Pro-Life Believers in America will celebrate Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. How will you celebrate this day?

      Aaron is one of the neatest 15-year old boys around. Dark hair and olive skinned, highly intelligent, active in his church youth group and the pride of his godly parents and grand-parents, he embodies “life” and happiness. Aaron’s mother came within ONE HOUR of aborting his life. One hour before her scheduled abortion, she told her mother of her plans. Her mother and a caring and loving pastor’s wife pleaded with her to call New Beginnings. She listened, she humbled herself to those who truly love her and she came. Aaron lives, because one mother cared and because the pastor’s wife knew about New Beginnings. Will you celebrate with Aaron this Sunday?

      This special day comes at a crucial time for the Pro-Life Movement in America.  Our current President has stated that society “shouldn’t punish a birthmother with a child.”  This same warped thinking is being used to make abortion even more available, as Pro-Life non-profits (just like New Beginnings that you are such a vital part of) struggle to make budget ends meet. being reduced by those who have no place for God and his purpose for mankind. How will you celebrate Sanctity of Human Life Sunday?

     You can decide to celebrate Sanctity of Human Life Sunday by going to www.NewBeginningsAdoptions.org and clicking on the “Donate Now” link. By taking this simple action, and by making a generous, secure, online gift, more Aarons will have an opportunity to experience life. Celebrate by joining with other Believers who are taking this simple action.

    Your personal, church or organizational gift of $500, $250, $100, $50 or $25 will be designated to reaching more birthmothers with hope. God will multiply every gift for His glory.

     After you have given, please celebrate Sanctity of Human Life Sunday by also:

• calling your Pastor and asking him to share this information on Sunday,
• forwarding this message to your friends and ask them to celebrate with you and Aaron, and
• praying for birthmothers–almost 3,800 “little Aarons” will lose their life in America today while some do nothing.

        New Beginnings has battled against this evil toward children for over 25 years.  By offering crisis pregnancy counseling (24/7 by Debbie and Renae), by offering professional Christ-centered adoption services, and now through birthmother parenting education New Beginnings is changing lives. Because you helped today, you can rejoice with us as we celebrate this Sunday.

NEW BEGINNINGS ADOPTION & FAMILY SERVICES

Tupelo, Mississippi

2009 SUMMARY OF ACTIVITIES

Domestic Adoptions

New Beginning’s domestic adoption program is one of the foundations of our ministry to women in crisis pregnancy.  With the Roe v. Wade decision in 1973, the number of birthmothers opting to carry their pregnancy to term has decreased dramatically.  Coupled with the greater acceptance of single parenting, the number of single pregnant women deciding to carry their child to term AND to place their child for adoption has dropped to less than 1%.  The challenge for New Beginnings is to make sure that women with an unplanned pregnancy know the truth of what confidential or open adoption (the level of confidentiality or openness is entirely the birthmother’s choice) has to offer them and their expected child.  Debbie Velie (Domestic Program Director, LBSW) and Renae Hellen (LBSW), our birthmother counselors, have done a very effective job of counseling with women and supporting them even when they do not choose adoption.

Unfortunately for honest birthmothers and adoptive families, the world of domestic adoptions has changed dramatically over the last 10 years.  Where the emphasis used to be on the counseling of birthmothers to make good decisions for their expected child, the field is now dominated by for-profit, non-licensed adoption facilitators.  These organizations typically charge $20,000 or more just to connect a family with a birthmother.  The revenues generated enable them to have a very attractive presence on the internet and to advertise in newspapers and yellow pages throughout the country.  Frequently birthmothers seeing these ads have no idea where the facilitator is geographically located and personal counseling is often waived in favor or receiving financial assistance with their pregnancy expenses.

We have placed 16 children for adoption through our domestic program thus far in 2008 and are currently working with six birthmothers who are making an adoption plan for their expected child.  This compares with the placement of 17 children in 2008, but there are still a few days left in December!

Since some families choose to adopt independently through adoption attorneys without the benefit of pre- or post-adoption services, we also provide homestudies in Mississippi for these families at a very reasonable cost.  In addition to increased outreach to churches, hospital social workers, school counselors and partnering with other Christian agencies around the country, we are seeking to build our domestic adoption program through advertising that targets the most vulnerable, pregnant birthmothers.

International Adoptions

We have experienced both successes and disappointments with our international adoption program this year.

Hague Accreditation: It is impossible to overemphasize the importance of attaining accreditation under the Hague Inter-Country Adoption Act.  New Beginnings achieved 2-year temporary Accreditation in April 2008 and will finalize its 5-year Accreditation process in January 2010. This has been a long, arduous and expensive process.  But without it, we would be crippled in our efforts to reach out to the orphaned children of the world with the hope of permanent families.  Marcus Davenport (International Program Director) has become our resident expert “on all things Hague,” and our President, Tom Velie (LMSW) is an evaluator for the Council on Accreditation for site visits for other agencies.  Our current Hague Accreditation does not expire until April 2010 so we are very comfortable with achieving our 5-year Accreditation in plenty of time.  It is significant to note that several agencies which were denied Hague Accreditation have closed their doors.  Even for countries which have not implemented the Hague Treaty, the gold standard for quality of services is Hague Accreditation by the Council on Accreditation.  In addition, New Beginnings has the largest and best qualified team of Hague-qualified social workers in Mississippi. We are very thankful for the Lord’s help in achieving this level of professionalism.

Nepal Registration:   Twenty-five American adoption agencies are registered in the country of Nepal and New Beginnings is thankful to be one of these agencies. Ten adoptive family dossiers are on file with the Ministry of Women, Children & Social Welfare in Kathmandu, Nepal awaiting their matches with children. Ten more families are in the process of completing their dossiers for 2010. Unfortunately, political unrest in Nepal has delayed the administrative process of matching the children in Nepal, but we are told that a new minister is now in place and that the process may proceed more smoothly.

Our Nepali Humanitarian Service Coordinator, Mr. Bobby Adhikari, through generous donations made by a wonderful Christian family, and through the “New Beginnings of Nepal” monthly partnership program donors, opened an orphan home for 10 children in June 2009. What a great testimony this is to the vision of the New Beginnings Founders, Stephen and Evelyn Drury, and to the dedication of “Brother Bobby.”

Poland:  New Beginnings is now licensed with the Polish government to provide adoptive services in Poland and is accepting applications for this program. We have hired our Polish Representative and adoptive families can have confidence that their adoption process will proceed smoothly. This program is ideal for the adoptive family that is interested in adopting children over the age of five (some younger children may be available in sibling groups).

Other countries: New Beginnings is in the process of investigating and possibly opening other country programs in several countries. Information will be provided on this website when details are finalized. We are carefully considering other opportunities to reach out to children in orphanages in other parts of the world, but do not want to duplicate already successful programs by our partner agencies.

Summary: It is difficult to write such a short summary of the activities of our agency for an entire year.  Our staff has done a remarkable job under very trying circumstances and I am proud of each of them.  Some are well known to our clients and some work behind the scenes.  But each has made a contribution to our mission.

Please join us in praying for increased activity in 2010 and the opportunity for more children to find their permanent homes. Every Child Deserves a Forever Family.